|
|
|
| 2003-11-14/1:41 a.m. so i really want to go to sleep right now but i can't. i've been laying in bed for almost two hours now. i've watched the britney interview i taped earlier all the way through and then started it again. i'm hot, like roasting hot and i dont know how to cool down. i mean my window is open, there are 50 mile an hour winds outside, and my fan is on...what else does one do to cool off? my stomach hurts and i feel like i'm going to hurl at any second. my entire body is all clammy and i have this lump in my throat that i keep trying to push away. i dont know whats wrong with me. i cant stop thinking...about everything and nothing. i got a parking ticket today which was technically my fault for not moving my car after two hours, but when i'm in class all night and it's impossible to find parking anywhere at fucking rowan all day long, when and where am i supposed to park? oh well, it's not that expensive, it's just the principle behind it. and i'm so excited because i'm going to NYC tomorrow, well in a few hours actually, to celebrate jess's birthday. it should be so fun, and yet i feel like shit. i totally want to go, but i just cant calm my brain down. it's like its on overload. its freaking out about school, as usual. its remembering everything that has been said over the last year that has hurt me and just replaying it over and over again. its making me cry and i hate it. i just want to go to sleep dammit! sometimes i wish my body just operated on a switch so that i could just turn it off when i wanted to and relax. i just feel like i can never relax anymore. even when i have a few hours here or there that i'm not working or at school, theres still always something going on that wont let me be. i dont usually write all this stream of consciousness crap in here but as i was laying in bed tossing and turning, i needed something to get up and do, so whatever. and then i just think...maybe i'm just crazy...
|
Now Then Book Profile Dedicate Design Host |
